The Transcendent Ecstasy of Cringe

Hi! This month's issue is long. I procrastinated on writing it by making more and more art, which gave me even more to write about and created a task more daunting with each passing day.

"NE 11th and Skidmore", 12x9", marker and colored pencil on paper, August 2026

Let's begin with Bladee. I found Bladee on Soundcloud when I was a teenager in 2015, and I felt completely mortified for him. Not really for him, but for myself. The reason why Bladee mortified me, and continues to mortify many of my friends who I force to listen to his early recordings while they're driving, is because his music exists in an unsettling tension between irony and sincerity. He never resolves this tension by revealing his work to be completely genuine or completely a joke. His lyrics are an autotuned stream of unabashed self-pity, braggadocio, brand names, and vague religious imagery, sometimes haphazard, often eloquent, and always melodramatic. For the pathologically self-conscious and cringe-prone, this is agonizing. It feels like facing your own annhiliation.

"Marley's Room", 5.5x8.5", marker and colored pencil on paper, August 2026

I was also self-pitying, online, and highly concerned with my personal style, so seeing this reflected so shamelessly felt intolerably cringe-inducing. I was punk, not emo, and I channeled all of my feelings of despair and desire and shame and vulnerability into a quiet, cynical, defensive anger that felt more socially acceptable. I lived in fear that people would discover my drawings of catgirls, winged tigers, cool swords impaling wolves with sidebangs, etc. that I had posted on the internet in elementary school. This perfectly replaced the terror I felt in Catholic confession as a child, ashamed and exposed to God: awkward, oblivious, perverted, uncool, selfish, gross, and irredeemably weird.

"Alice Playing osu!", 8.5x11", marker and colored pencil on cardstock, August 2026

As I got older and learned to be more forgiving and honest with myself, I realized that the feeling of cringe can be an opportunity for transcendence. Sometimes, when I see someone do something completely inappropriate and outside of social norms, I feel genuinely ecstatic, high, and alive. Friends occasionally mistake my love of cringe comedy for mean-spirited laughter at the cringee's expense, but it's a feeling of communion and complete acceptance. When you release the burden of secondhand embarrassment, allow ambiguity to wash over you, and finally face the annhiliating force of Cringe without recoiling, you don't need any external validation. You are completely free to love what you love, and for a moment, you are no longer afraid to die.

"Fast Things at the Soapbox Derby", 8.5x11", marker and colored pencil on cardstock, August 2026

I did some research to see if other people experienced this relationship between the cringe and the sublime. I found Jon Rafman's 2022 short film Counterfeit Poast, a copypasta-inspired anthology of stories that I think demonstrates this tension very well. Though the stories are absurd, it doesn't feel like the artist is mocking his characters. The accompanying slideshow of bad AI-generated images is tacky, terrifying, and awe-inspiring. The film perfectly captures that uncanny feeling when you can't tell if someone on the internet is a troll, or truly having a completely different experience of reality than everyone else. It reminded me of a strange Tumblr account called loiswasadevil that my roommate Dan recently showed me. In Dan's words,

It's a tumblr account belonging to a person who kins Lois Griffin and believes strongly that she (Lois) shows clear signs in canon of possessing something called a Devil's Heart. I think she (user) invented it, but it's "unlocked" by specific strong negative emotions and it makes you go apeshit when it unlocks. for Lois, her "catalyst" is when her family treats her poorly. This user recounts having confusing kin memories of being lois griffin when she herself was a child, living off-grid, before ever learning what family guy was. she lost touch with a long-term online relationship whom she refers to as "her peter" and posts about it often. She sees Lois's life as her own life and posts about events in the show, elaborating as though they are her memories and experiences. She likes edits and art of Lois emphasizing her inner Bad Girl. In response to other users urging her to seek help for delusional thinking, she insists that reality shifting is a real and proven phenomenon and dismisses the messages as ignorant. She believes that Lois's most important trait is her love for her family.

"loiswasadevil", 8.5x11", marker and colored pencil on cardstock, August 2026

Earlier this year, I agreed to sew a 5 foot tall rabbit plushie in exchange for a tattoo. I got the tattoo in April, and even though the artist said I could take my time with the giant rabbit, this debt weighed heavily upon my conscience. I decided that I needed to make this rabbit the first week of August or I would lose my mind.

"Giant Bunny Doll", about 5' tall, reclaimed clothing scraps, cotton fabric, and polyfill stuffing, August 2026

Sometimes, when I'm feeling especially anxious, I listen to ASMR videos where someone reassures me that everything is fine, there is nothing to stress about, and it's fine to take a break. I almost always do this while multitasking on whatever is stressing me out, which probably defeats the purpose, but it is slightly reassuring nonetheless. However, I also find many of the videos unsettling. A whispered voice absolving me of any personal responsibility while occasionally slipping in sponsored product placement ads and begging me to Like, Comment, and Subscribe is extremely creepy. Any relaxation I feel dissolves into even worse anxiety and guilt over my own complicity in the escalating crisis of capitalism.

"Giant Bunny Doll", close-up

I remember an old roommate of mine watching a yoga video where the repeated mantra was, "I am a money-magnet". I was thinking about it again earlier this year and decided to write my own ASMR script, a combination of inoffensively encouraging affirmations, offputting consumerist affirmations, and affirmation of the inalienable American right to ride a Lime scooter while intoxicated. When I tried recording it, I discovered that I do not have a comforting ASMR voice and had no idea what to do with this scary mp3 file. After a failed attempt at a deconstructed club remix, the idea was shelved for a few months.

"Lime Scooter Affirmations" risograph prints, 8.5x11", violet, bubblegum pink and mint ink on found printed paper, August 2026

My friend Alice helped me photograph the giant rabbit at the park, and I liked the photos so much I decided to make risograph prints of them. While I was editing, I thought maybe a Lime scooter could help demonstrate the scale of the giant rabbit. I used my Lime Scooter ASMR script as a poem, maybe narrating what the rabbit is thinking or listening to as she lay semi-unconscious next to the scooter, unable to figure it out.

My coworker found a very nice framed photo from 1972 of someone waving from a boat. I liked that it reminded me of the pleasant, nostalgic background images of people looking into the vast expanse of nature that quotefancy.com likes to pair with quotes when you image search "[Celebrity Name] quotes". (Example) I created my own, a cut up poem from text sources I got for free, mostly comprised of junk mail, a book of terrible advice on how to be a good boss, a CBT workbook, and a compilation of erotica from the year 2000.

"Dog Autism", 14x11", collage poem glued on found photo, August 2026

On Friday, 9/4, I'll be showing all of the work I have at the Social Justice Action Center from 6-9pm! All money from sales will go towards local grassroots organizing. My friend Alice will be DJing at the venue afterwards.

1. "i will kill you." - Frost Children
2. "Sky Like Dreams" - CNML
3. "Charlie's Lips" - The Molochs
4. "Meant for (meta + otaku)" - bliss05 [link]
5. "if u real (spill lovebug)" - blxty [link]
6. "Billionaire Blender" - Ayoko Na [link]
7. "a flame that bridges the world (lol)" - seekingbust [link]
8. "Pineapple" - Sparks
9. "Stay Alive" - rockstargumdrop [link]
10. "The Cake Is A Lie" - X1 [link]
11. "Et Si Tu N'Existais Pas" - Joe Dassin
12. "DOG FT. K8 (prod. by @drma x @heyrick)" - no$ia [link]
13. "I'm Not Part Of The Shit" - räuberhöhle
14. "I Got Stuck in An Isekai But The Writers Forgot To Make Me OP" - Exd [link]
15. "I Wish You Were a Girl (remix)" - 12 Rods [link]
16. "Unchained Melody" - Jose Maria Sison [link]

Thanks for looking! Contact max@maxwickstrom.com.
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